I started working part time for Kahani Digital this past summer of 2021. I am so glad this opportunity and I found one another. As like so many first generation kids, I had found myself almost completely removed from my culture. However, there is definitely a spectrum of how removed you are and while scrambling to find trendy Indian clothes, living in New England, spending Easters on Cape Cod with my boyfriend's family and working in a completely white male dominated industry...it dawned on me that I had barely been participating in anything remotely cultural over the past few years - no weddings nor religious events. If it wasn't for the birth of my nephew where I attended his rice ceremony in my mother's salwar in September 2020, I wouldn't have worn a piece of Indian clothing since 2018.
Working at Kahani immersed me in the businesses of young, female South Asian businesses and entrepreneurs. Before, my instagram feed consisted of mostly white American influencers. Now, I scroll through Instagram and see women of my demographic living their best lives by actively choosing to integrate their culture through work and leisure. This really made me reconsider my apathy. Just because I didn't live with my parents anymore, where I was obligated to participate in our Indian community, didn't mean I could turn my back on it all simply because it required a bit more effort on my part.
Internalized racism within yourself can be a huge pill to swallow - and when it came to standard of beauty, no matter how much confidence I had… I genuinely always thought I fell short against anyone who was either white, blonde or blue-eyed. I automatically took myself of out the count and just assumed my beauty was good enough for being brown or validating someone else’s feelings of diverse and tokenized beauty. However, working in a space among creative brown women within industries that normally pander to the white standard, has made me realize how wrong I have been... how can I think of myself so little when I am surrounded by absolutely beautiful individuals who are dominating in fashion, beauty, music and art? To demean myself is to demean my ancestors before me, my sisters around me, and any future generations after me.
Coming to this realization and understanding was not some huge epiphany and definitely a longtime coming. It is embarrassing to admit but up until 26 years old, I was really striving to still meet the ideals of conventional beauty, while my peers were breaking stereotypes and changing the narrative. This is something I may always struggle with but for now, I will actively remind myself of who I am, where I came from and how beautiful I, and others like myself are. Until we live in a world that is world truly all encompassing and inclusive of celebrating all types of beauty and representation that is not just for show, I will be an advocate for breaking the norms of beauty alongside all the admirable and self-loving women who are already doing so.
