Questioning Self Love
At this point, self-love is just a sparkly buzzword, a glowing Tinkerbell that floats from aisle to aisle at Target, thrusting aloe-kiwi face masks and bedazzled bath bomb packages at me. Self-love seems so commercial now, something that is marketed and sold to us when in reality, it is something that can only come from within. Since it is the season of love, I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with myself lately. All lavender body scrubs aside, self-love is hard, even grueling at times. But so is any worthwhile relationship–and I can honestly say I’ve enjoyed spending time reflecting on how I treat myself. Here are some of the big questions I’ve been asking myself this February.
What does it mean to do what’s best for myself?
I’ve heard all too often that what’s easy isn't always the same as what’s right. A lot of times, taking care of myself means prioritizing long-term goals over short-term ones. And that means not giving in to temptations of the heart when I know, deep down, that it’ll make things harder for me later. Discipline and restraint are huge when it comes to self-love, and what I’ve learned is that they go hand in hand with self-respect. Respect and appreciate yourself, and the restraint you need to hold back from unhelpful behaviors will follow.
What does it mean to be pursuing a relationship with myself?
I focus so much of my time curating the perfect relationships with others that I often forget the most important and long-lasting one: the kind I have with myself. It sometimes helps to think of myself as a whole other person to check how I’m treating myself. How hard do I push that person? What do I give to this person, and what do I take from them? Am I kind with them, and do I forgive them? These questions are crucial in forming a healthy relationship with myself, and the longer I’ve spent considering them, the more comfortable and connected I feel with myself.
What does it mean to be toxic to yourself?
Toxic relationships and their characteristics are blasted all over social media. It’s impossible for me to go a single day without seeing some sort of “red flags” post online. But what’s hardly discussed are the toxic behaviors we employ with ourselves. Self-harm can take many forms, and often, we fail to recognize the more subtle ways in which we are toxic to ourselves. Skipping breakfast, procrastinating, pulling all-nighters…it took a long time for me to realize that I was being toxic to myself by doing these things. Of course, it isn’t always easy to form perfect living habits, especially in a busy lifestyle, but working towards those habits makes me feel confident about my ability to be less toxic to myself.
What does self-love look like when you’re in a relationship with someone else?
Love takes so many different forms, and it took a while for me to strike a balance between the love I show to my partner and the love I show to myself. It takes time and a lot of trial and error to find what works for you–and it probably won’t be the same as what works for someone else in a relationship. It helps to have a partner who helps you nurture the relationship you have with yourself. The right person will respect the importance of your relationship with yourself :)
The person you’ll end up spending the most time with in your life is yourself. You’re stuck with you. That’s the way it goes. Might as well make the most of it. And who knows–maybe you’ll end up falling in love. It’s crazy how, when you start spending time with and appreciating yourself, you start to notice what a lovable person you really are. Here’s to Valentine’s Day of 2023, and enough self-love for all the months ahead.