Do We Need to Act Like Men to Get Ahead in Our Careers?
Having worked in predominantly male environments the majority of my career (think hedge funds, finance) I’ve often found myself as the only woman in the room, the only woman in a team of 20 men, the only woman in the team that I myself manage. It’s been an interesting first hand education on the different approaches men use when encountering daily challenges, conflicts and opportunities.
Let’s face it, regardless of how you identify these days, there are some traits naturally inherent in both sexes. One may argue this is because of environmental conditioning growing up and perhaps to some extent it is. In any case, I have definitely seen this played out over my career and how “naturally” female traits have put many of my fellow women at a disadvantage.
I have seen the difference between the women who have survived and come out on top and others who can’t quite seem to figure out why they can’t get ahead. What’s most interesting is that friends that have come out on top have secretly confessed to me that they’ve had to change their demeanour to fit in with all the men. Consumed by work 24/7, this in turn has regrettably spilled into their private lives and they’ve become more “manly” in character overall. By this, I don’t mean dressing like men and forgoing skirts (well in some cases it was), but I mean being direct, not thinking twice before speaking over people, being assertive, claiming their space and being unapologetic. Some go on to say they wish they hadn’t let this approach replace their femininity but instead combined the two.
Because society judges women on whether they’re amenable and kind, when women decide to conduct themselves in a different manner they’re immediately met with those dreaded labels “too bossy”, “too opinionated” “overbearing” to name my favourite few.
Having said that, not all is doom and gloom for us, there are ways we can take the good bits from the other sex but still stay true to ourselves, avoiding the labels as we do. Here are my top 3 tips to help you along the way.
#1: Do not be apologetic with your language
Only say sorry if you find yourself in a circumstance where it’s truly needed. Do not start conversations with “sorry to interrupt but” , “can I just say”, “I was wondering”. This use of language signals that you’re not leader material and you’re perhaps second guessing yourself. The reality is that if you don’t believe you’re a leader and act like a leader, how can anyone else.
#2: Be assertive
Be assertive unapologetically. Strong women have strong views, and there is nothing wrong with sharing them. As long as you conduct yourself in a way such that your strong views are always fair and of value there will be no issue here. You will find that people will respect you a lot more.
#3: Grow thick skin
People are going to say things that aren't pleasant to hear. I remember offering a challenging opinion for a topic I disagreed with only to hear a senior member retort “you’re getting cantankerous in your old age” - this was when I was at the grand old age of 27 might I add. Which makes you wonder, would a man be labelled as cantankerous? I digress. The point is, I had to brush it off and remind myself that says more about the person saying it than it does about me. Don’t take things to heart, it will serve you well in the long run. There’s a time and place to speak up and this wasn’t it.
Remember, our power actually lies within our femininity, we are known to naturally have more empathy, be understanding and sometimes take a softer approach. There is strength in this. Combine it with the tips above and leverage it. You’ll be unstoppable!
This piece was written by Anita Mistry, founder of GUVU beauty. GUVU beauty is raising the bar as a skin first multi-purpose vegan beauty brand and community for women who want it all. Learn more about GUVU beauty here.