“Is that a promise, Kathani Sharma?”
Dating seems like it has become a game and just about booty calls, at least on apps. Absolutely not slut shaming or saying that this is wrong. In the words of Erica Ortegas (Star Trek; Strange New Worlds), “Whatever tweaks your freak pal,” you know as long as no one’s getting hurt in the process. But having grown up on Telugu movies and Indian epics and being a massive book worm, I’m a hopeless romantic. I want someone that’s going to treat me like a queen (and I can treat them back like royalty), that meet cute, those fluffy tooth rotting sweet moments. I’m also asexual (so I don’t experince sexual attraction. Not here to educate you but if you must know go check out AVEN or Aceydesi - shameless plug xD). While it might seem unrelated, it isn’t. It can make it harder to date. I’ve tried a dating app or two and talked to a few guys. But I said bye to most of them as they wanted sex or he was trying to turn the converastion towards sex. And it’s not like I’m hiding the fact I’m ace, it’s been in my profiles.
What’s Courting?
With Bridgerton season 2, that hopeless romantic in me has come up to the front again, and I think it has for a lot of people as well. They’ve realized that they want to be courted, the dates, the flowers, showing the person that you are genuinely interested in them. And I have to agree. We should be showing people that they are wanted in your life and not just a way to have sex, someone replacable. I mean totally find if that’s what's wanted as long as it's clear. The appeal is how there's such an effort made in showing the ladies that they are wanted. Today is all about games, wait 3 days before you call someone back, send dick pics, texting someone ‘you up?’ at 3 in the morning. It seems like sex first and get to know the person later. Absolutely not shaming those who want only sex or sex in general. It's very much an allo sexual world, not an asexual one. And media (shows, movies, books, ads) show Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB) as just pieces of meat, not people who want and need things.
In Bridgerton, Kate is portrayed as an attractive woman and there’s no surprise or shock that Anthony is attracted to her. Like it’s shown that Anthony goes feral over her scent. I feel like most of us South Asians are told we’re stinky and unattractive. Seeing Kate and Anthony’s story made that hopeless romantic even worse. I got to see myself between Kate being South Asian and being the older sister, in a way that made me think/feel that this too could happen for me. See representation really does matter.
Courting and It’s History
While courting may seem wonderful and the new way of dating or the solution to a society that’s very sex driven. But there's things to remember about its history. Like maybe it wasn’t as romantic and whirlwind romance that shows/books like Bridgerton make it seem. Maybe there was some forced or unwanted attention that was involved, like the creepy guy in season 1 of Bridgerton who wanted to marry Daphne.
Courting happened in an era where women couldn't vote and whites were the elite (I mean society still says they are) and POC were typically poor/working class and looked down upon. It happened in an era of colonialism with kings and queens looting non white countries and taking all their riches and enslaving the people. With that colonialism a lot of POC cultures and histories were lost and have caused other POC cultures down a path where they are slowly being lost. Courting seems to be something that was done more with the upper class and reinforces that hierarchy of the rich being the rich and the poor being the poor.
Things are not black and white, and we can’t just ignore the bad in favor of the good. There’s so much nuance to things like this, and conversations to be had, and knowledge to be shared. That being said please bring back the getting to know people (especially as an asexual woman) and making them feel wanted. I want my life partner to be my best friend. But let’s remember the history of courting.
Let’s bring courting back and make it our own, and more fit for the future. Let’s make it less heter- cis- normative. Let’s get out of the boxes that societies put us in and find/learn ways so that everyone feels included, those who have kinks, those who are queer in some way, those who are poly, those who have platonic live partners but still have romantic lives. Let’s have a world where love is love and there’s no one set way to love (romantically or platonically). Let’s refine the way things have been
So out with the dick pics and booty calls in with the gifts and making calls. Out with the games. In with making your (potential) partner(s) feeling wanted and cherished. In with finding ways to find love.
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