Life Lessons From a (Not So Perfect) 22 Year Old

Birthdays have always been bittersweet for me. From the obligatory smushing-cake-on-face ceremony that almost every desi child is forced to partake in to answering the phone calls of various relatives (ones that remember you but you can never ever remember the names of) - I’ve seen it all. Though I begrudgingly participated in both of the above as a teenager, over the past few years, they’re moments that I actually look forward to and not take for granted anymore. And, if I do say so myself, I think this indicates a lot of maturity, growth, and character development. I was away from my family on my birthday this year and sadly the two anecdotes that I mentioned above didn’t happen. Nonetheless, I turned 22 in the most wholesome of ways, surrounded by so much love and light. I did all of my favorite things -- treated myself to some hot chocolate from my favorite cafe, abandoned my dissertation work (as I should), went to one of my favorite jazz bars, and ate and drank copious amounts of chai at my favorite Indian restaurant with my closest friends. As I kept checking off the things that I wanted to do on the day of my birth, though, I realized that I forgot to do the biggest thing -- check in with myself.

So, the day after my birthday, I spent all my time journaling and writing down my chaotic thoughts whilst listening to Aubrey by Bread on repeat. I was nostalgic about my past and hopeful about my future. I made a list of everything I went through in the previous year: from good experiences, to traumatic ones. But instead of dwelling on the details of them all, I realized that I was writing and documenting the way they made me feel, how I overcame them, and how I’ll adapt to those situations in the future. Instead of descriptors, they were lessons. This got me thinking even more about the very small amount of years that I’ve existed on planet earth and how throughout those years, I’ve learned so much - about myself and my surroundings. And so instead of my post-birthday-diary-entry being a “Dear Diary” one, it turned out to be a list of lessons that I’ve learned over the years. And in the most Tanvi way possible, here I am oversharing them with the internet in hopes that someone out there resonates, or chooses to reflect on their own life.

Lesson One: Whether it’s romantic, platonic, or whatever, you do not need to seek validation from external sources. In the age of dating apps and social media it’s genuinely so easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to others, or feel like your worth is defined by the actions and words of others. Trust me, I’ve been there. But it’s so important to consistently show up for yourself and tell yourself how important you believe you are. Whenever I feel myself falling in the depths of the validation hole, I remind myself that the only person that can validate myself and be there for myself is me. I know many people say this but I think I’m finally starting to realize you’re all that you have at the end of the day. I’m definitely not good at this, but I feel like I’m getting better everyday. And this time, I genuinely want to learn how to cultivate an even better relationship with myself.

Lesson Two: You do not need to take yourself too seriously. Man, do I need to drum this into my head on an everyday basis. My Capricorn rising placement always forgets that life is too short to be overthinking about what would have, could have, or should have been, but I’m cutting myself some slack because I’m getting there! This is the hardest lesson to learn, in my opinion and an even difficult one to remind yourself of everyday but it is so important. Especially as someone that’s still so young. I want to learn how to not get too hung up on the smallest of things that make me unhappy. (Remind me to hang up a poster of the lyric from Billy Joel’s song ViennaL “slow down, you crazy child!” I recommend you do it too!)

Lesson Three: Learn how to enjoy the little things in life. I’ve found that life seems to get more exciting and less dull when I romanticize the smallest of things. We’ve seen the TikTok girlies go off about their silly little coffees, but I swear to God, finding magic in the small moments in life gives me so much serotonin. It brings me an immense amount of joy. These days, I carve out time in my day to just appreciate the small things in life that I love - whether it’s a walk on my favorite route back home, my commuting playlist, journaling, or candlelit debriefs with my flatmates whilst playing We’re Not Really Strangers. Life is so beautiful when you stop for a moment and appreciate what you have around you.

Lesson Four: A little generosity goes a long way. Whether that's being generous to yourself and with yourself, or with other people. Everyone is going through something or the other in their lives, and it’s good to remind yourself of that if someone has wronged you or some small thing about someone has pissed you off for some reason or another. Being nice and generous literally doesn’t cost anything, and that’s one of the biggest things I’ve learned from transitioning from my teenage to my now self. It’s quite a self explanatory one and should really go without saying, but sometimes, a reminder about it is necessary.

Lesson Five: Be true to yourself. This is the most cliche of them all, but it is So. Freaking. Important. My personality was so malleable when I was a teenager. I pretended to like certain bands, or altered my fashion sense to what everyone else was doing. A lot of times I whitewashed my interests and un-desified myself because I thought that’s what I was supposed to be doing. I was the least me version of me. The way I was able to grow through that was by spending more time with myself and genuinely taking a step back and asking myself if I liked something, and why I did. Now that I have time to reflect about the things that I love doing, it is so easy for me to unapologetically be who I am.

Gone are the days of gaslighting myself into thinking I don’t deserve something, or making myself feel bad for feeling certain things. Well... maybe they’re not completely gone... but I’m getting there, one day at a time. I’m still learning, and there’s a lot that I need to figure out about life, and myself. But as a now 22 year old, from the goods and bads that I have gone through in life, I can say that I’ve perfected the art of being a not so perfect 22 year old. The best thing a person can do is try to better themselves not to reach a level of perfection, but to feel closer to themselves and whatever the highest version of themselves really is. The more life experiences I go through, I want to take time to pause, take a step back, reflect and learn from the situation that comes forward. I encourage you to do the same.