Imposter Syndrome: Triggered by Other People's Accomplishments
Jealousy is an ugly thing. But jealousy that makes you think little of yourself? Much worse.
Comparison is the thief of joy, isn’t that what they say? But how do you avoid comparing yourself to others when as a society, we try to encourage one another to not shy away from being proud of your accomplishments? The internet has turned into a giant resume medium in my opinion. Websites, social media, videos, so on and so forth.
I think that is the hardest pill to swallow as a millennial professional. I feel as though I am in this grey area where I know I am accomplishing things I am proud of but can’t help but feel humbled the minute I see anyone do anything slightly more impressive. It also doesn’t help that I am so critical of myself that even trying to write a portfolio is difficult for me. What did I do for this project? I can only think of what I did wrong. (Yikes)
But anyway, real talk as I don’t think this person is gonna actually ever come across this so I’ll just go ahead and fill you in on what my trigger was: A resume page on an online portfolio of a 31 year old artist/designer/cool creative that I admire the fuck out of but am also terribly jealous of. His resume outlined his accomplishments by AGE which made my little female South Asian, people pleasing, wannabe perfectionist heart ache. Another layer to this is that besides the privilege of being a white male in this country, there isn’t much other privilege he has. In fact, he’s also first gen. And gosh, to top it all off…he is so darn POSITIVE. Everyday on his instagram stories - grateful to be here, happy to be here. Posting about his friends’ ventures, supporting any way he can. And it’s not that toxic, false influencer type positivity either. It’s the genuine, glass half full outlook I so desperately want to have.
However, I’m also aware I am not an artist, designer, photographer or videographer nor any kind of “technical creative”, if you will. I simply am creative adjacent. I work with creatives, I help creatives and my creativity is implemented strategically and commercially. And sometimes I write. So I have to keep that in mind…but here we are, in the grey area.
Honestly, I am also just embarrassed I’m triggered by this but it is what it is! Am I going to do something proactive about it? Probably not. Am I going to wallow in self pity for a while? Yes. Am I going to keep in mind that even if it’s not as fast as I want it to be and my perception of myself is awfully skewed, I am still actually doing just fine, dare I even say, succeeding? And that maybe, just maybe, there are indeed real people out there who are jealous of me?
No, absolutely not.