Elitism Amongst the South Asian Diaspora: The Economics of Being Brown

Are South Asians inherently elitist? I type this question as I am sitting on my couch in my two-bedroom apartment that I share with my boyfriend, 30 minutes outside of Boston, in the state of Massachusetts, which is the 4th most expensive state to live in. I know I have a certain lifestyle that a lot of people in this country can’t afford. However, I am also begrudgingly aware that a lot of my peers, in my specific demographic, are living the lifestyles that people outside of our culture and community, generally stereotype us with. 

I will never forget in college when another Indian girl told me to travel to a different country with her because “I’m a brown daughter, my dad will pay for it”. That will stick with me forever, because even though most of us brown daughters have somewhat strained relationships with our fathers, mine was never a relationship where love was replaced with money or material items. Don’t get me wrong, my father put both my sister and I through school and paid for my college apartments in New York City. However, once I moved out of my parents' house at 22 and got my first big girl job, I was kicked off their health insurance plan and phone plan and have consciously tried to never ask them for a single thing since - obviously, when they give me free things, I will GLADLY accept! But this has been my experience for the last 5 years and I have learned that more often than not, South Asian people my age still have the luxuries of those expenses being taken care of for them. 

It is just interesting to me that many South Asians stereotype one another. My friend in college stereotyped me. Then, I recently had a conversation with another South Asian college friend who told me his family and he experienced homelessness at one point, moving into a hotel, due to some investments gone wrong. At first, it was unfathomable to me. But then, I thought to myself, why is that my first reaction? Money and misfortune don’t care what race, age, gender, culture, or religion you are. It is a toxic notion to assume that every South Asian immigrant who came here, came here to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. I am proud of our parents’ generation taking the risk to create a better life for themselves. However, we can’t ignore the fact that this was not the experience for all South Asian immigrants. 

I think of the Bangladeshi taxi drivers in New York City, their wives working in Dunkin Donuts, serving coffee while speaking a language I know. I think of the Indian gas station and convenience store owners in New Jersey, who do this in hopes of leaving a business behind for their children to take over.  My mother was a stay at home mom for most of her life, my family was a single income home for my entire life. 

This “analysis” stems from watching Indian Matchmaking. Of course, to afford a matchmaker, it is assumed that you come from a middle to upper class family who can afford such a service. There is some excess display of privilege in play when it comes to these successful, well off people lamenting about how they are not married yet. They hit home that they have it all - the degrees, the 6 figure salaries, the careers, the house, the cars - just not “the one”. That’s problematic in general, that the conditioning of our culture is so ruthless that you can be settled in life but if not in love, nothing else matters… but I think the main issue is that these people’s criteria lack character traits and contain more resume points. If society, class and wealth were not a thing, might they have found genuine love already? 

I think of Family Karma as well, where the flashy lifestyles of young, wealthy Indians in the Miami area are brought back to reality by realizing half the cast is over the age of 21 and still either living with their parents or having things taken care of by their parents. Generational wealth is aspirational for all but what impact does it have on a generation of adults who may never fully understand the value of a dollar? 

The answer might be exclusivity and exclusion. I personally refuse to believe that education, occupation and wealth determine who you can and cannot surround yourself with. Granted, you may find that you have more in common with someone who has the same lifestyle as you, but at what point does that become exclusionary? I simply make the argument that people have a lot to bring to the table and stuff like that cannot be barriers to entry, when the world already has so many barriers for brown people. Division amongst a diaspora simply enables the system we are currently at the mercy of. 

I think the younger generation gets it but there is definitely a ton of conditioning that most of us are struggling to overcome. Material possessions and travel to me signify stability and success because that’s what my parents taught me. So now I find myself with too many purses and shoes and always checking a bag to fit them all when going on a trip. But all jokes aside, I recognize I had an aversion to those who had no interest in travel while never really stopping to think if they could afford to or not.  And now I realize I have an aversion to big, fat South Asian weddings that are an excess display of wasteful and tacky wealth of 25 year olds who were encouraged and financed to do so by their own families. I’m okay with sticking my nose up at that. 

I think where I am trying to go with this is that our representation of late on mainstream media has still been stereotypical and I think that is damaging. We see strong women with impeccable careers with their only plight being single at 30. We see men living at home and being praised for their entry level investment banking careers or their Silicon Valley app startups. I am not angry (only slightly jealous I can admit) at those who are comfortably making a salary while still benefiting from their parents. I think it’s important to not hold resentment but acknowledge that when you are comparing yourself to your peers, there are things just out of your control.

I just think a reminder is needed that if you are a part of the South Asian diaspora and are NOT conventionally succeeding like our society expects us to (and how we want to, because success is not the evil here) - it’s OK, you are indeed not alone. And to the non-South Asians in this world, if you see someone who is South Asian and is not conventionally successful like you would expect them to be, don’t tease them about it. No, I’m not a pharmacist just because my dad and sister are…sometimes I wish I was, but don’t worry, I’m finding my own way!

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