Don’t Call Me Exotic

“Your last name is so exotic…it sounds like a raindrop.” 

There’s a certain beauty to that observation, a sign of appreciation and amazement at something unfamiliar. Gup-ta. Gupta. I suppose it does have a rounded sound, its syllables bouncing off the end of the tongue like a sphere of fresh water. But when my white classmate said these words, ogling at me after registering my name (for the first time in an entire month of greeting each other in the same college dorm), I felt a little amused, rather than appreciated. “It’s so beautiful, I’ve never heard anything like it before.” Gupta is a very common Indian last name, and although it belongs to thousands of individuals in the world, there are still those who have yet to come across its apparent “raindrop-esque” sound. My classmate’s statement was framed as a compliment that made me simultaneously feel like the muse of a masterful poet and the specimen of an overeager zoologist. 

The undercurrent of ignorance in her words was so subtle that I found myself wondering if I was overreacting to them–and perhaps, I was. But that interaction reminded me of the culture and lens of exoticism that exists when it comes to women of color–specifically, South Asian women. Those who have spent their lives separated from South Asian people will, undoubtedly, be innocently curious about things that are new and unheard of to them. At the same time, that phenomenon begs the question: why haven’t they been exposed to some of the most basic, common, certainly globalized aspects of South Asian culture–or even just South Asian names and titles?

I have this same thought when I order a drink from Starbucks and the barista can’t spell my name. Maybe I’m being haughty to think they’d be familiar with my name thanks to Priyanka Chopra Jonas’s rising prevalence in Western media. I mean, they must at least be familiar with her chart-topping hit “Exotic.” 

Grinning next to Mr. Worldwide, she proudly exclaimed, “I’m feeling so exotic. I’m hotter than the tropics.” While the tune may be catchy, that idea is problematic. It’s not sexy or hot to be seen as a rare breed of human just by being a certain ethnicity or having a certain name. Islands are exotic. Fruits are exotic. South Asian women are not. When I’m written off as ‘Bianca’, or have to resort to saying my initials to give baristas an easier time, I feel devalued. During one particularly memorable Starbucks visit, I excitedly picked up my venti pink drink only to see the word “Briankn” scribbled across the cup. Briankn certainly wasn’t feeling hotter than the tropics that day. 

Is it a huge deal to me? No. Does it pose important questions as to why the recognition of South Asian culture has yet to seep into coffee shops and college dorms? Yes. And of course, this kind of experience is not exclusive to me or the South Asian community–anyone with an obviously ethnic-inspired name, or even a unique or unusual name, has more than likely felt underrepresented on Starbucks cups and souvenir keychains. The issue manifests itself in much worse ways, as well; from degrading catcalls to lewd DMs to disturbing fetishizations, exoticising people of color is harmful. 

Throughout my life, I’ve found myself battling with this issue, asking myself: am I making a big deal out of nothing? Should I feel proud that I have an un-spell-able name? Exoticism as it regards unique and culturally diverse names can be a complex topic involving varying opinions. For this reason, I’ve decided to introspect on my personal experience and create a set of questions to ask myself when I encounter these kinds of situations. I present to you, the RAINDROP method:

R - Repeatable? Is this the kind of phrase or statement you would feel comfortable repeating to someone else? If you feel uncomfortable or unhappy at the thought of engaging with someone else the way this person has interacted with you, odds are, it’s not okay, and you should say something. 

A - Appreciation? At times, respectful onlookers deserve the benefit of the doubt when it comes to statements of wonder at something or someone culturally unique. It’s nice to feel appreciated and bring some beauty into someone else’s world simply by existing. Ask yourself, is this person coming to me out of a place of admiration and appreciation?

I - Intuition? What does your gut say? Trust it. 

N - Narrow-mindedness? Are this person’s comments stemming from an inability to think open-mindedly about the world and the diversity that surrounds them? While this situation may be an opportunity to expand their worldview, it isn’t your responsibility to teach them to respect people who are different from them. Keep this nuance in mind when dealing with this situation. 

D - Danger? There’s inherent danger when it comes to exoticisization and fetishisization, where initial “admiration” can turn into something more harmful and sinister. It’s painful to hear about people being followed home or harassed on the street–and with this danger in mind, be wary. 

R - Rudeness? People can be mean just for the sake of being mean. That’s no excuse, but it’s an important context clue to keep in mind when faced with ignorance and spite. Call people out on their rudeness, and keep in mind what may be causing it. Bullies are just looking to validate themselves through harming others–it doesn’t reflect on you or your worth at all. 

O - Over and Over? Has this situation occurred frequently with the same person, over and over? Is this someone you know well, or a stranger who has been targeting you? Either way, keep in mind the circumstances, and act accordingly to best address the situation. 

P - Power Play? Is someone trying to assert dominance over you by making you uncomfortable? Is someone in a position of authority trying to make you feel small? Just because someone is your boss or superior does not mean they can make you feel inferior without consequences. Speak out. 

While RAINDROP hasn’t made my name any more spell-able to baristas, it has helped me better process nuanced situations. Adhering to RAINDROP and asking myself the important questions gives me the confidence to stand up for myself when others approach me. I hope it can help you, too. Just remember–whoever you are, wherever you come from: your name is beautiful, and you deserve the same respect and appreciation as everyone else. 

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