When you grow up between cultures, confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you slowly build, and it’s especially never just given to you.
I was born in New Zealand, came to the U.S. when I was two, and grew up in a South Indian household. Somewhere between all of that, I had to figure out who I was “supposed” to be.
At home, confidence meant being respectful, grounded, and aware of where you come from. Outside, it meant being outspoken, independent, and comfortable taking up space. For a long time, I thought I had to choose. Be either the American version of me or the girl at home. But over time, I learned that confidence isn’t about picking sides. It’s about being okay living in the in-between. It’s okay to have two different sides of your personality, maybe even more. Or slowly learning to merge it altogether.
Last March, I went back to New Zealand for the first time since I was born. It was a solo trip, definitely something I had wanted to do for years and years. Walking around the place I was born but didn’t grow up in felt surreal. It reminded me that identity isn’t always tied to how long you’ve lived somewhere. Sometimes it’s about how deeply you feel connected to it, even from far away. I haven’t been back since I was 2 years old, 22 years later there I was, going around to the different places my family and I lived. And going to visit the hospital I was born in.
There’s a quiet kind of confidence that comes from embracing all parts of yourself. The food you grew up eating. The small traditions that stayed with you even when you didn’t fully understand them. The way you mix pieces of your culture into your everyday life without even realizing it.
I used to think blending in was the goal. Now I know that standing out in your own, unforced way is the real power.
Confidence, for me, came from realizing that identity doesn’t need to be neat or explained. It can just exist. Fully, proudly, and sometimes imperfectly.